For a few more weeks, everything went smoothly- Carrey/Duke did a good job pretending to be Governor of Louisiana, the paperwork didn't pile up too high, and they managed a small coup by finding out about some financial wrongdoings by Arizona's Governor, Fife Symington, and got him forcibly retired. Soon thereafter, it was announced that talks to create a permanent peace between the North American powers were to begin in Deadwood, in the Sioux Nation. President Rodham, Governor Clinton, the Sioux Chief John Copper-Wires and the Californian Foreign Minister, Gray Davis, were all going to be there. The bimbo was getting antsy, though. Saying that she felt she was being followed. She insisted that Shadrach go to the conference to make sure nothing happened to her. The dame seemed really upset, so he went and left Sven in charge for a week down at Baton Rouge.
Deadwood was an odd city. Originally a mining enclave when the Sioux won their independence, it grew into the high-tech capital of the world when John Copper-Wires started his computer company, the most successful corporation in the world. But deep down, it was still a city a lot like Buffalo after the factories closed down there, as all the mines were tapped out in the nearby Black Hills. Most everyone who didn't work for the computer company or one of the multitudes of start-ups was living off of welfare and menial labor.
The conference hall was a gleaming, huge convention center with an equally huge and gleaming table in the center, put there for the occasion. On one side was the New England delegation. President Rodham was there, and it was evident she didn't like what was going on one bit. It was her long-standing policy to never negotiate with the Southern People's Republic, but she knew she couldn't survive in a trade war, with all of the SPR's cheap labor. Behind her, Secretary of State Kennedy looked tired, and Director Bush looked vacant. Directly across the table was the Southern delegation- Governor Clinton, and the Director of the Southern Republic's Military Intelligence Agency, John Ashcroft. They both looked smug- finally, they had forced New England to the negotiating table. 90 degrees to the left of the Southerners sat California's Foreign Minister, Gray Davis, and that little bastard Bono. Both looked uncharacteristically blank. And across from them was their host, the Great Chief of the Sioux and CEO of White Star Technology, John Copper-Wires. In the background was a massive painting of the Wild Horse Man, the legendary leader of the Sioux during their campaigns against New England. Shadrach never knew that the Wild Horse Man was white- he always assumed him a whole-blooded Sioux. Learn a new thing everyday, though Shadrach.
The negotiations were boring. After several condescending comments from the opposite end of the table, President Rodham threatened to walk out. Davis suggested a bit of time out to calm everyone's nerves. Everyone agreed. When Clinton walked out of the hall, he met the bimbo and his bodyguard. The bimbo motioned for Shadrach to follow. Keeping as inconspicuous as possible, Shadrach stalked the three down to a side hall. He lost sight of them for a second.
Suddenly, two gunshots pierced the relative quiet. Shadrach, hand on his Thompson underneath his duster, rounded the corner. The guard stood there, smoking revolver in hand. Clinton and the bimbo were lying dead on the floor, with smoking gunshot wounds in their heads.
"Catch," said the guard. He tossed his pistol at Shadrach.
Shadrach was an excellent basketball player, back in his URI days.
Of course, he caught the gun as the assassin disappeared. Old point-guard instincts die hard. For a second, Shadrach stood there, smoking gun in hand, thinking about how stupid he was.
"And what do we have here??" said a voice behind him. Shadrach wheeled around and dropped the gun. Gray Davis and Sonny Bono stood there. Behind Davis's back, Bono wore a huge grin.
Shadrach was arrested and brought to prison in the Southern People's Republic for capital murder. He was ramrodded through the process, and sentenced to death. He sat in his cell the next day. He didn't like his odds. He suddenly realized how much he hated basketball. He started writing out his will.
"I, Shadrach Mendelson, being of sound mind, do declare this my last will and testament, assuming the Southern government doesn't take all my stuff."
Then he thought about what he actually had- very little. The New England government owned most of his stuff. He put the pen down. Nothing to do but wait.
Created: 2001.2.15
Updated: 2001.2.15